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Too much togetherness

May 22, 2008

By: Maria Lamagna <mlamagna@hilite.org>

The Krauter family is used to being crowded. With their seven children, a full house is a daily reality. Sophomore Kelly Krauter said that at times it can be overpowering.

“My family is very loud,” she said. “My siblings, especially the younger ones, are really energetic. There is always someone at our house too, playing or hanging out with us.”

Summer is coming. For some families, the end of school means a lot of family time. Both parents and siblings may begin to feel overwhelmed or even ready for school to start again.

Counselor Stephanie Benson said that when summer comes, many families, especially when they have many children, begin to feel overcrowded or uncomfortable. They may feel as the Krauters do at times.

“It depends on how many kids there are,” Benson said. “There are always difficulties when you’re adjusting to having a lot of people’s opinions and emotions to think about.”

This problem is also complicated when older siblings come home from college. “When kids are (living at home) all year, they may begin to feel like the house is their domain,” Benson said. “When people don’t get as much attention, that could be when resentment sets in.”

This summer, the Krauters will experience this for the first time. Kelly’s older brother Casey ’07 is back home from Purdue University after completing his freshman year. However, in anticipation of the busy household, he elected to live in an apartment while he works on a summer project.

Krauter said that while many families may experience a more crowded household during the summer, her family experiences the opposite. Not only will Casey live in an apartment, but her other siblings will also be busy.

“During the school year, everyone’s crammed inside,” Krauter said. “Then in the summer, it seems like everyone’s outside 24/7. There are always kids coming and leaving (in the summer).” Krauter said that many times, her house feels emptier in the summer when her siblings are involved in structured activities.

“We have swim team, plays and lots of things we are involved in,” Krauter said. “It definitely involves a lot of scheduling and planning and driving.”

However, Benson said that many families are not as fortunate as the Krauters. If they are not used to spending time together like the Krauters are, other families may experience tension or even ill will when reunited during the summer.

“It’s hard (for older siblings) to remember to abide by and respect parents again,” she said. “They need to remember that they are role models for younger siblings. They may want to fall back into routine, but they should prepare mentally to take on household responsibilities.”

Benson also said that in order to lessen conflicts, parents should make sure they divide their attention among all their children.

“Parents’ tendency may be to spend time with the ones they see the least,” she said. “Even if it’s just five minutes before bedtime, parents should make sure they take the time to spend with every child. When children feel their parents are not as interested in them personally, that’s when resentment starts.”

For younger children who are used to having older siblings away, Benson also offered some advice. “Recognize you’ll have to share your space again,” she said. “But enjoy the time you have with your siblings, and be as patient and flexible as possible.”

Krauter said that her family tries to live by this suggestion. She said that living in her house means constant laundry, a lot of clean-up, sharing rooms and busy family vacations. In spite of daily inconveniences, they make the most of their family time. “We’re a very close family,” Krauter said.

Benson said for the summer, like the Krauters, siblings should remember most importantly to share and consider each other’s feelings.

“Daily sharing of space and just the daily grind can be really difficult for students,” she said. “But you can’t make (younger siblings) feel like you’re coming in and taking over.”

Updated by Xingping · Filed Under Student Section 

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